I'm the type of person who is constantly putting other peoples needs before my own. From my kids to my husband, to my family and friends, nurturing, loving, caring, supporting, advising and uplifting; all the while neglecting me. I tell myself that I don't have the time for me, but that is a lie. The truth is that I have a hard time feeling worthy of my own attention. "I don't have time for me" is never the truth, it's depression and anxiety, it's crippling fear and self-doubt, it's forgetting who the @#$% I AM. So, in the spirit of the great congress woman of California, Maxine Waters, I am "Reclaiming my time".
I tell myself that I don't have time to eat well, to work out, to take care of me because I have my husband and 2 daughters. Yet, I find time to go get fast food, to scroll social medias, and to wallow in self-doubt. I tell myself I don't have time to do what I want, yet every moment of every day is somehow spent. I spend so much time telling myself what I can't do and why, that I literally talk myself out of my own desires.
For me physical and mental health go hand in hand. The better I eat the better I feel, the better I feel the more positive energy I have, the more positive energy I have the more active I am, the more active I am the accomplished I feel. Adversely, when I allow myself to fall off, I make way for a vicious pattern of depression and self-loathing. I eat something high in sugar or fat, my stomach hurts (I have a super sensitive stomach) and I immediately wonder why I just did that. My stomach hurts so I feel sluggish, even after the initial pangs go away I am still struggling to digest this foreign substance. My brain is confused it knows we need some energy, it remembers that nice sudden burst it got when we consumed a bunch of empty calories, but it has blocked out everything that happened afterwards (because it's too busy still trying to digest the previous snack). I crave that rush, I want instant calories, I want sugar, I want saturated fat, I want cookies, candy, wings with chunky blue cheese, I want fried, glazed, deep stuffed. I'm deeply engrossed in internal struggle, I tell myself "It's ok", "Yolo", "You still eat better than most Americans", "You have a husband who loves you no matter what"; but in the back of my mind I know that while those statements all have elements of truth, none of them are completely MY truth. I know that my body is a sacred temple and should be cared for as such. I know that there is a mind, body, spirit connection and a delicate balance that must be maintained.
Another part of reclaiming my time is taking back the minutes, hours, days and maybe even years that I have spent second guessing myself. The virgo in me constantly strives for perfection. I spend entirely too much time analyzing, then overanalyzing, wondering if something is good enough, wondering if xyz will be accepted, wondering if it will please him or her. Well the truth is (in the words of Jay-z) "No, I ain't perfect, nobody walking this Earth's surface is, but girlfriend, work with the kid". So, to myself, I promise to always do my best, and in return all I ask is for forgiveness and understanding. I promise to allow myself to make mistakes because without mistakes there is no lesson to be learned.
When we take better care of ourselves physically, it shows mentally and spiritually. When we take better care of ourselves, we show up as better versions of ourselves.
Homework
- Set aside time and space for yourself - Find an area in your home where you can be alone and in peace. Figure out a time of day that you can commit to just you, whether it is 5 minutes, 15 minutes, or 3 hours; just make sure the goal is attainable so that you can be consistent. Set an appointment with yourself every single day in this peaceful area. During this time do whatever you truly want to do. BONUS: Try to make it the same time of day everyday, but if your schedule is too demanding, you can do what you have to do.
- Recognize the lies and excuses you tell yourself, and counterattack - we all have moments when we doubt ourselves, lie to ourselves, or deny ourselves our true desires. Being alert and on the look out for these moments help us to combat them. BONUS: Once you recognize a negative thought, say (or whisper if you are in public) it's positive opposite.
- Try to differentiate instant gratification and true happiness - this is a hard one and may take time. Pay attention to the times you give into a desire, note how the desire itself felt, how giving in felt and how you felt afterwards. If you feel like a slave to your desires then your desires are not actually serving you.
EXTRA CREDIT - Carry a journal with you, or download a journaling app on your phone. During your self appointment or just after, while you are nice and peaceful write down some of your desires at that point. Throughout the day jot down the moments you had to combat your self doubt, and excuses. Also note down the feelings you have after satisfying your of-the-moment desires vs. the desires from your appointment.
We deserve to take care of ourselves, we deserve to be the best versions of ourselves. So I am stepping back and returning to ME. Reclaiming my body, Reclaiming my mind, reclaiming my energy, RECLAIMING MY TIME. And you should too, whatever that truly means for you.
Stay in touch! Share pictures of your space or journal with me. Share what true happiness looks like for you. Find me on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and Snap @Mariesmonologue use #MariesMonologue or #MMreclaimingmytime. I'll share my favorite post throughout the week so that we can all encourage and motivate each other!
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